In an ideal world, although we will have learned lessons from our past, once it is over it shouldn’t be a negative influence on our lives anymore.
However, in reality, our pasts have much more hold over us than we might even realise. In some cases the actions we once took can still be holding us back many years or even decades later, making our lives a lot less than they could be. Here are some of the signs to look out for, as well as some solutions to stop your past from being a problem in your present and affecting your future.
You Constantly Talk About The Past
It doesn’t have to be a negative past that holds you back – sometimes a positive past can have the same effect. If you are always talking about the past and how much fun you had, or how young you were, or how much you wish it could be like that again, you might not be moving forward in the way you should be because you would rather not stray too far away from the person you once were and the life you once had. It can be difficult to create a happy life if you think all your best days are behind you.
To get out of this mindset and stop your past from holding you back, you should try to focus on the future. Understand that things can be good again – perhaps even better – and that unless you move forward and try to be successful, the chances of that happening are much smaller.
You’re Scared Of Making Another Mistake
Of course, sometimes the past is a terrible thing, and this is why it is holding us back. We all make mistakes, and it is through these mistakes that we learn how to make changes and do things for the better. Some mistakes are much more serious than others, perhaps involving the need for a murder and manslaughter defence, or even time in prison. Others are much less serious. They can all affect us because we can end up in a situation where we’re afraid to do anything in case we make another mistake.
What can be done about this? Firstly, you need to seriously consider the mistakes you made in the past, even if you would rather forget them. What led you to that point? Why did it happen? Would it happen again now that you know what you know? It’s unlikely that you would repeat the same mistake, and you can move forward knowing what not to do.
You’re Afraid Of Change
Change really can be frightening, but if your past is holding you back, then change is terrifying. This is what is termed a ‘learned fear’ – it means you have become too comfortable with how things are and you’re afraid to make changes, even if they should make things better, because you don’t want to step outside of your comfort zone and run the risk of being less happy, less successful, less in control of your life.
The thing to remember is that this fear is not real. It can’t be since it is fear of something that hasn’t even happened. What it actually is a worry about something that may or may not happen. Therefore, all you need to do is acknowledge that worry, weigh up the pros and cons, and do what you need to do to move forward.