There are moments when even the most tolerant person finds their patience tested by their partner.
For most, such irritating habits are nothing more than that but for others, they could actually be much more damaging. Under recent changes in the law, they could be classed as signs of psychological abuse.
But while the Director of Public Prosecutions revealed that the number of prosecutions relating to violence against women and girls in England and Wales reached a record level this year, up by almost 10pc to 117,568 in 2015-16, those made as a result of psychological abuse are still incredibly low.
Freedom of Information data unearthed this summer showed that the law protecting victims of domestic violence from controlling and coercive behavior had been used just 62 times in the first six months since it was introduced.
Sarah Platt, from leading law firm Kirwans, says: “Thanks to the introduction of the Serious Crime Act 2015, a new offence of ‘controlling or coercive behavior in intimate or familial relationships’ now exists.
“Unfortunately, the figures reveal that it is not being used to its full extent.
“Many abused people know that the way they’re being treated is wrong, but think that if they haven’t been injured, then they haven’t been abused.
“But the new law extended the definition of domestic abuse so that it now covers psychological as well as physical abuse.
“Telling partners that they are worthless, isolating a person from their family and friends, or preventing a person from having access to transport could all form part of a campaign of psychological abuse that’s just as damaging as physical abuse.
“People who are being abused may not feel able to report the perpetrators to the police, but there are other legal actions which a good solicitor can advise you on to prevent the abuse from happening.”
Under the new legislation, a number of patterns of behavior could now fall under the category of psychological abuse. They included:
1. Share sexually explicit photos of you on (or off) line
In an era where even the most intimate acts can be snapped on smartphones, it’s all too easy for disgruntled exes to share photos of their former partners naked or even engaging in sexual acts online in an act of ‘revenge porn’.
But, thanks to the ‘disclosing private sexual images without consent’ law that was passed in April last year, doing so can now lead to community orders, restraining orders, and even imprisonment for those found guilty.
2. Stop you from seeing your friends or family
If a partner ‘repeatedly or continuously’ isolates a person from their friends or family, they are committing an act of domestic violence, which, again could result in restraining orders, hefty fines, and up to five years in jail.
Victims now have up to two years to report the crime, so even if the perpetrator is now an ‘ex’, you can still take action.
3. Control what you wear
We’ve all asked our partner’s advice on an outfit from time-to-time.
But if your partner is repeatedly dictating what you wear, choosing your clothes or criticising your wardrobe choices, they could be committing a criminal act which, if you are married, would also give you grounds for divorce.
4. Install tracking devices on your smartphone
If this is done without your knowledge, or is part of a regular pattern of controlling behaviour, then it’s an offence.
If you’re unhappy with your partner’s ability to keep you on constant surveillance, then remove the devices or apps from your phone and explain why.
5. Prevent you from spending your own money
In the 12 months up to October 2015, Citizens Advice reported seeing 900 cases of financial abuse, whereby one partner controls or exploits the other’s finances.
Last year, domestic violence charity Refuge said it had seen cases where victims were forced to provide receipts for all spending, or given such small allowances that they couldn’t afford to buy food for themselves and their children.
Such repeated behavior is an offence, so don’t allow it.
6. Frighten you
Dominican-American writer Zahira Kelly started the much-trended hashtag #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou in order to enable people to “suss out damaging situations”.
Your partner may not have lifted a finger to you, but if they regularly put you in situations in which you feel intimidated or threatened, then they’re displaying what is defined under section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015 as controlling or coercive behavior.
Maybe he doesn’t hit you – but if he – or her – routinely frightens you then they’re committing an offence.
7. Humiliate you on Facebook
Does your partner regularly regale your Facebook friends or Twitter followers with ‘funny tales’ about how you threw up during a night out or publicly joke about your failed attempts at weight loss?
This is not about poking gentle fun, but more about using personal knowledge to deliberately embarrass you – and can be considered psychological abuse.
8. Repeatedly put you down
This method of abuse can be so subtle that you may not even realise it’s happening until you actually take time to listen to some of the conversations taking place between you and your partner.
These put-downs may form part of what sound like loving speeches; e.g. ‘Why do you put yourself through trying to climb the career ladder?
You know that’s just not you’, or could be more pointed, such as highlighting your faults in public. Either way, it eats away at your self-esteem, putting more power into the abuser’s hands.
9. Monitor your time
Does your partner demand to know where you’ve been and why it took so long on a regular basis?
Monitoring your time is one of the types of behavior outlined in a government document setting out guidelines in relation to the new law.
10. Threaten to reveal or publish private information
Whether it’s a family secret, or a work matter that should never have left the office, it’s inevitable that your partner will know of the skeletons in your closet.
If they start implying that they will share that knowledge, or use it to blackmail you in any way, then they’re committing an offence.
11. Confiscate your car keys or passport
Hiding your car keys, taking them off you as a punishment for regularly ‘losing’ them, or making your passport inaccessible for any reason are common tactics used by abusers to control their victims.
Each of these actions limit freedom of movement and your independence as a result and can be used as evidence of controlling behaviour.
12. Stop you from working
They say they want to make your life easier, but you’re absolutely desperate to work.
If your partner is doing everything in their power to prevent you from getting a job, it could be an attempt to control you – and that’s illegal.
13. Hurt you
While the most obvious one, it’s also important to remember. The law offers protection against physical abuse from any other person.
So whether you want to take out an injunction, start court proceedings against them, or both, there are actions you can take to put a physical distance between yourself and the perpetrator.