Do you have a friend who, for whatever reason, never feels comfortable on their own? There are some people who just can’t go watch a film in the cinema by themselves, or they’ve got an issue if they have to spend more than 15 minutes by themselves in a professional setting. But for many people, the idea of spending a long time by themselves seems daunting and comes with a whole bunch of misconceptions that the person is sad or pathetic for whatever reason.
In an age where we’re constantly connected, the joy of solitude can be a powerful way to improve emotional balance, confidence and, in fact, overall well-being. Spending some time by yourself can do wonders for your mental health, and you can reconnect with your own needs rather than constantly reacting to the demands of others, whether it’s through your mobile phone or in the real world. We’re not saying that socialising is evil; the fact is that we are tribal beings when we pick through the emotional baggage, but solitude gives you the opportunity to grow stronger from within. Rather than being lonely, it can be a tool for personal transformation. Let’s show you some tactics:
Rediscovering the Joy of Simple Pleasures
Whether it’s a classic game of solitaire on your PC or video games on a Saturday night, the fact is it’s not about the game, but it’s an opportunity to engage your mind without any external distractions. It gives you a better understanding of how you can be your only opponent, your only source of feedback, or your own company, and this can be very liberating.
Some people struggle to relax when they are by themselves, and the simple act of playing a game or even taking a walk or a meal by themselves isn’t a small thing, but it’s key to self-acceptance.
Deeper Recharging When You Unplug
We just talked about the fact that some people can’t fully relax, but we do need to remember that socialising, for all of its benefits, can be draining of our energy in ways that solitude isn’t. We constantly adapt to others’ moods, expectations, and rhythms, and this can easily result in people pleasing. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but if we are overstimulated we need to step away from the noise so our nervous system can rest.
In fact, studies have shown that time away from social inputs can lower our stress hormone cortisol and give us a clearer sense of what we actually want. Similar to recharging your phone battery, it’s actually you that’s running low. So if you feel like you are one of those people that, when the weekend hits, you just have to go and do something, getting into that practice of becoming comfortable for a while can help you tap into something far deeper. Boredom is a critical function for our reset, and this boredom turns into calm and then creativity.
You Strengthen Your Boundaries
You might very well have noticed how difficult it is to keep track of things when you are around other people constantly. If you are with friends making plans that clash with your schedule or colleagues demanding some after-hours attention, or your family members expecting instant replies about things, we have to remember that modern life absolutely chips away at our sense of self, and more importantly, it means over time, we may feel that we can’t say no.
Solitude is key to strengthening your boundary muscle. When you take yourself away from the race that everybody is running, you can see your priorities in greater clarity and recognise which relationships energise you and which ones are quietly draining you. Alone time is that opportunity to evaluate, not in a cold or judgemental way, but actually from the point of view that generates self-respect.
Boundaries are really important and many people who like to please others struggle with them, but boundaries are actually more like a bridge because they connect the person you are inside with the life that you want to live outside. Maybe we need to make this switch in language because solitude helps us to build those bridges thoughtfully rather than building up boundary walls between us and the world.
It Sparks Creativity
We talked about how boredom becomes inspiration, but if you are someone who is of the creative persuasion, you may very well want to reconnect with that silence because external chatter can fall away, and that inner world of yours will expand. You may rediscover forgotten hobbies or finally learn to cook a dish that you thought was too complicated.
If you feel the pressure in a social setting to perform or compare, being by yourself means there’s no audience, no critic, and no one to impress, so you can make those mistakes and learn for yourself. A lot of self-help advice talks about if you want to learn a new skill to boost your job prospects or your sense of self, the key is actually not telling anybody about it. If you set yourself six months to do something, don’t tell anybody that you’re doing it, because then, when you re-emerge from your shell, it’s far more of a surprise to the people who would have doubted you in the first place, but you’ve also had the opportunity to take two steps forward and one step back.
You Learn Genuine Self-Reliance
Isolation is different from being purely reliant on yourself. True self-reliance means being able to meet your own needs using the capacity to connect with other people. It’s about being comfortable in your own company and, therefore, being comfortable in who you actually are.
You can certainly pick up practical skills, but you can also pick up emotional ones because you can learn to comfort yourself when things go wrong, rather than panicking or waiting for someone else to do it. And rather than thinking this makes you a cold and distant person, you can absolutely be aware of when your social skills need fine-tuning. You don’t need to go off-grid to enjoy these things, it’s just about a quiet breakfast by yourself or an afternoon on your own. These little rituals can make all the difference.