Click Liverpool keeps one eye open at Farmageddon fright-fest

Walking around Farmaggedon isn't too far removed from sitting through an hour of watching one of those doctors and nurses programmes that seem to have taken over our 4000” screens.

Not the good ones shown after 11pm but those ones that people seem to have all sorts wrong with them that means they have to be cut open from head to toe and have half their bodies removed, the illness here seems to predominantly be super, hyper, mega, morbid obesity or as the Americans like to call it a “fuller figure”.

Thankfully BB, Strictly and Y factor have stopped the onslaught of these programmes. I say thankfully...

Any how I digress. Farmaggedon isn't too far removed because no matter how much you know you shouldn't look, you just seem to be drawn to what might be round that next corner.

As if the last was not shockingly frightening enough to ensure you have lots and lots of children, because the fact that you can't sleep ever again means you'll start watching those after 11pm shows and eventually get bored of this and, perhaps reluctantly, turn your attention to the wife.

“Daddy how was I made?”

“Well darling it all started in 2007 with a place called Farmageddon...”

However, I must add it does vary from the post 9pm pre 11pm programmes, there is far more blood, guts and screaming and far too few Americans.

I must thank Farmageddon for the opportunity it's given me in life, it turns out that insomnia makes a person a lot more productive, well, I am only in the first stages having just visited it yesterday, however I would add, almost in the same breath, that I'll be no more wealthy in the coming years having so many more mouths to feed.

In short, if you don't value sleep, you're one of the dying breed of emo's (remember them?!) who likes to indulge in a little self harm, your movements have recently been a little slower than usual or my least favourite your husband doesn't want many children but you do, then this is the place for you.

It took God 6 days to create Earth and Mark and Rich 4 years to create Hell on earth, the only difference is they aren't stopping to rest.

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