My wife has an allotment, she calls it "our" allotment, but my contribution is fairly minimal, carrying the compost, a little digging, planting the odd vegetable.
My wife's idea is to become self-sufficient in the veg department, beat the supermarkets, save money and have an organic lifestyle. The allotment provides some vegetables and a lot of exercise.
I feel the allotment is going to take on a greater significance in all our lives.
Gordon Brown's fiscal policies have been criticised by the German Finance Minister, we can't have that.
Gordon Brown has great experience. Look what he did for private pensions, well that may not be the best example, but he has reduced VAT, costing businesses millions in price alterations, sorry not another good example.
Gordon could not be expected to know that when he sold-off our Gold Reserves it was at the lowest price for decades and Gold has risen spectacularly ever since. Like the Captain of the Titanic, Gordon knows what he is doing.
But Gordon has saved the banks, with our money. I am waiting for someone to realise that Liverpool Football Club is not owned by a couple of Yanks but by Royal Bank of Scotland, of which the public is the main share holder, truly a "Peoples Club". When the RBS calls in the loan, what then? Gordon is a football supporting Scot, so Liverpool FC are safe, aren't they?
We cannot have the Germans criticising Gordon, can we? After he has done so much for us, I can hear the cheering now. There is only one course that can be taken to save the honour of Gordon and get us out of this mess.
Declare war on Germany!
This will solve all our present difficulties. We can freeze all German Bank accounts in Britain and pay off all debts.
All Audis, BMWs and Mercs will be impounded, which will reduce road congestion. It will be worth it just to see the smug look wiped off the faces of BMW drivers and they will no longer own the road.
We will improve the health of the Nation, obesity will vanish. How many fat Bs did you see in WW2, none, only fat Germans. The nation was never healthier. No junk food, only good grub. Bring on the rationing.
Aldi and Lidl will be occupied and used as supply depots when rationing comes in.
My wife is worried that her dog, a dachshund, will be interned. If the house were on fire, would she save the dog or me? No contest.
All those teenage gangs of drunken thugs can be quickly dealt with. No need to issue any more pointless ASBOs. In to the Army with them. No need to give them guns and knives, the gangs already have their own.
No more Larger Louts, Larger will be banned, British Bitter from now on. The only binge drinking will be tea.
The Director General of the BBC, Mohamed Thompson, will be required to make patriotic television programmes, that will make a change.
The outcome will be that Germany will invade and third time lucky, win. Our economy will then recover and everything will run on time.Happiness all round, we just won't let "Gordon Brun" negotiate the peace.
While all this is happening we will be doing our bit down the allotment, growing our own and flogging the extra on the black market.
Dig for Victory!
"It's a Wonderful Life"
(Thu 02/12)
TURN IT DOWN.
(Thu 11/11)
Do we need another Beatles book.
(Mon 11/10)
President or Pope, who is most welcome?
(Mon 16/08)
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