Our trip to Venice got off to a bad start, I could not find my passport. I put my passport in its usual safe place and when I went to get it, it was not there. Having seached the house I was in the process of getting a replacement at a staggering £112 when I picked a book off the kitchen shelf and there was my passport. When I first got a passport I walked into the passport office in India Buildings with a couple of photos and my birth Certificate, filled in a form, paid about eight shillings and walked out with my passport. Now you have to make an appointment and get a letter from God as well as prove who you are.
I had to work the day we were going and we only got to Liverpool John Lennon Airport with a few minutes to spare. The security procedures mean an extra delay and I know I should take this in to account, but I am not alone in thinking that nobody with the name Bill Fred or Joe has blown up an aircraft, it is usually some-one called Mohammed, so why not just give them a hard time and not treat all of us as terrorists, it is called common sense, target the suspects do not criminalise all of us.
We booked our flights through Ryanair as usual and started looking for accommodation, no mean feat when going to Venice, let me start by saying that Venice is not cheap, when it comes to expense Venice is up there with Stockholm and Tokyo. We searched and searched the web, eventually finding Al Palazzo Lion Morosini. Close to the Rialto Bridge. We should have been suspicious when the conformation came back saying that we were not in the main guesthouse but in an annexe. Having stayed in hotel annexes in the past I was concerned about this, but getting accommodation in Venice is difficult.
May/June September/October is high season, the Carnivals during the year mean that there is a high demand for accommodation. July & August are hot and a lot of the restaurants and hotels close over this period. Don’t even think of trying to book a room during the Venice Film Festival, early September, unless your name is George Clooney and only then if you have a film showing. During these times prices in Venice can triple, did I mention that Venice is expensive?
We did not arrive until ten at night; you can either book an airport transfer via Ryanair or get a bus ticket from the public transport office at Treviso Airport to Venice. The coach trip takes about an hour and costs £10 for a return ticket. Then the fun begins; you have to get a Vaporetto or waterbus to your Venetian destination. Venice has the most expensive public transport system in the world. One stop costs 2 euros and can take less than a minute. So just think, one euro is one pound and it makes working everything out easy. An hour ticket on the waterbus costs £6.50, yes £6.50, a 12 hour ticket costs £16.00, nearly makes you appreciate the 82 to Speke, only nearly. Did I mention that Venice is expensive?
When you have booked you accommodation, print off the directions, go on google earth and trace the route from the stop, remember you will be walking and pulling your luggage. Print any photographs of the area around the hotel for reference, get a good map, not the tourist ones that you can print off the web or the ones with the guidebooks. The instructions to our accommodation, included getting a number 82 water bus, just can’t get way from the 82 can I, but by the time we arrived the 82 had stopped running for the day, so we got the number One, there are two sides of the Grand Canal and this is were we went wrong, O.K I went wrong, my wife leaves the direction finding to me or the sat nav. Our directions told us to cross the Rialto Bridge and turn right take the first on the left walk 60 metres, turn right and walk past the Post Office. No Post Office, we were lost and if it had not been for the intervention of a Venetian gentleman, who took pity on us and showed us were our Guest House was, we would still be wandering the dry streets of Venice.
Our guest house was down a very narrow passage, which a lot of hotels are in Venice, and had the grand name, “Al Palazzo Lion Morosini” when we arrived at one in the morning the gentleman at reception looked like a close relative of Genghis Khan, no facial expression and no English, we signed the register and paid, something else I did not like. We then escorted several streets away to the “annexe” The line of letterboxes next to the door was a dead giveaway, this was not part of the guesthouse but an apartment that was let out to visitors.
It was on the second floor and had a double bed, we thought, and the bathroom was separate. Genghis left us and we settled in. The bed was two single mattresses pushed together. The bed was also the most uncomfortable I have ever attempted to sleep in. Venice, City of Romance, not in this bed.
The following morning we attempted to speak to someone and complain. Unfortunately, none of the staff spoke English or Italian or they had lost the power of speech when confronted by a resident of the guesthouse. Breakfast was a croissant and a cup of sludge, which we gave a miss to. Do not go looking for a full English breakfast, the Venicans do not do a full English.
There is a strange arrangement in Venice, different prices. It is cheaper to stand at the bar, more expensive to sit inside and even more expensive to sit out side a café or restaurant. A coffee in St Marks Square will cost over £16.00 because you are paying for the Band. So beware.
Also the waiters provide the service and expect a tip, you do get very good service. When I asked what an item was the waiter took me to the kitchen to show me. The “Tourist” menu ranges from £14 up to £25 and provides very good value. The Venicans eat later than we do so a “Tourist” menu may not be available after ten at night and the resurants are pricey. Did I mention that Venice is expensive?
Now the only way to see Venice is on foot or by waterbus, we had decided to leave it till our last day to do the waterbus trip. So we just walked, one of the great things in Venice is that you get lost. There are some signs pointing to St. Marks Square and The Rialto Bridge, but not many, so you wander and enjoy the sights.
If you really want to do the culture trip, I would advise you to get a VENICEcard, costs 73 euro for 3 days and 96 euro for 7 days, includes admission to all the churches on the Chorus Circuit, 16 in all, but not St Marks. The card also gives free admission to all the museums and unlimited travel on the waterbus. It is very good value if you want to visit the Churches and Museums, but if you just want to stroll about and see the sights it will not be worth it.
It is a couple of decades since I was last in Venice, but is has not changed. It is very difficult to change a World heritage City, I cannot imagine anyone getting permission to build three black glass Dis-Graces next to St Marks Square. Only in Liverpool would the planners be so crass as to do that, allow 3 black glass Dis-Graces to be built in a World Heritage area. Doreen Jones has a lot to answer for, it does not matter what she did as a councillor she will be remembered for inflicting the 3 Dis-Graces on Liverpool.
Recently in Manchester a man fell in the canal, I don’t know if drink had been taken, it seems this man was sitting on the wall, leant back, loss his balance and went in the canal, he was fished out, he did not drown, yet the lunatics in some council department now want to put a seven foot high, electrified fence along the wall so that no-one ever falls in again, I may be exaggerating about the electrified fence, but at a cost of over one hundred thousand pounds it should at least have fairy lights and whistles. What a joke. These people want to go to Venice and see a sensible, attractive and commercially viable use of canals in a living, working tourist destination.
The only concession that has been made in Venice to what is now called Health & Safety in this country is a few of the bridges have ramps to make it easy to walk up, there are not very many ramps, there are over 400 bridges. Venice is not disabled friendly, because it was built on islands in a lagoon centuries ago, so there was not a great deal that could be done for the disabled, it really is a case of if you have a problem walking, Venice may not be for you, the tourist office does provide a free map showing wheelchair accessible sights.
In this country, were you need to wear a life jacket and complete a survival course to row a boat on a park lake in six inches of water and all common sense has disappeared, the Venicans still cross the lagoon in a rowing boat, called a traghetti, and stand up chatting to each other as they do, these boats cost about 50 cents per trip.
If you want to spend a small fortune, you can take a romantic trip on a Gondola. You will not be required to wear a life jacket or even fill in a risk assessment form. You just get in the Gondola and off you go, expect to pay £40 for the every 20 minutes. Did I mention that Venice is expensive?
Our health & safety zealots would have great fences along all the canals and ruin Venice, as they have ruined so much in this country, kids climb trees because it is dangerous. Bits fall off buildings in Venice and if you happen to be underneath when they do, tough.
One of the sights I did not see in Venice was anyone in a football shirt, the Italians have style, and it is just that certain something that wearing a football shirt is not. Italians will wear a football shirt, when going to a match, but not as casual wear.
Gentlemen are warned there are lots of small exclusive clothing shops. You can still wear fur in Italy without fear of some frothing at the mouth harridan throwing red paint over you. I particularly liked the notice in one shop advising purchasers “coats are reversible so they can be worn in England”
Venice is a very quiet City, there is no traffic noise, there are no cars and there are NO cyclists. It is heaven if you just want to have a lazy time stop when you want to eat, pop in a church to see the interior or just look in the shops. It can get crowded in the summer months and it is not the ideal place to take very young children.
Our last day in Venice was a wet one, it rained, very heavy rain so our decision to take the boat round the lagoon and along the Grand Canal was a good one instead of the promised Gondola ride. We were not unhappy to leave our guest house and will not be returning there and advise every-one to really check out the accommodation before you good. Ask friends who have been to Venice if they were happy with their Hotel. It is all in the planning.
We were not flying back until the evening and we did have our luggage. Flying Ryanair we only had one small pull along each so it was not a problem. If you have heavy luggage it is best to leave it for the day at the railway station, which is next to the bus station. You will be catching the bus to the airport anyway.
There are two airports for Venice, Marco Polo and Treviso; we were flying back from Treviso. Again it takes an hour on the bus to get to the airport and there is heavy security, takes a while to get though, so give yourself plenty of time to get to the airport, whichever one you are flying from.
I like Ryanair, so long as you follow the rules and you book in on line, you do not have never had a problem. Our Venice flights cost £40 return, you cannot argue with that. Enjoy it while it lasts because there is some environmentalist who is working out a way of stopping us enjoying cheap air travel. The present Government will put more and more taxes on travel and cars until the next lot get in and show their eco credibility by taxing travel and cars as well. It is all a big con.
When I was a lad another ice age was predicted, now we are going to burn. I don’t believe it. One volcanic explosion puts more CO2 into the atmosphere than we do in decades, the earth will survive if some of the creatures on it don’t. Let me be honest about this, we are not going to save the Panda; this is a creature that lives off one food that grows in one place. Pandas only have the energy to eat; it does not like sex and if by chance a Panda does give birth it is likely to sit on its young. The Panda is doomed and my not taking a cheap flight to Venice is not going to save it.
Michael O’Leary runs Ryanair, which makes vast profits, while British Airways makes vast losses. He has got the right idea, he comes up with great ideas that get great publicity for his airline, paying a pound to use the toilet, Standing up and hanging on to a rail, Pilots paying for water, all great publicity.
Mr O’Leary is planning to breathalyse people suspected of being drunk and if they fail the breathalyser, no flight. Also when you book and are taking hand luggage only you will have to purchase Ryanair approved luggage and were do you get this luggage, that’s right, you buy it from Mr. O’Leary. The man is a self-promoting Genius.
I love Venice and will be going back again soon. Unlike most places you have to do your homework before you go, if you get lost you cannot hail a taxi and ask to be taken to your hotel, you have to find it and there are not many Tourist Information Centres. Venice is one of the Great Cities of the world and everyone should visit it at least once, just go, walk and enjoy, be warned Venice is expensive, did I mention that?
"It's a Wonderful Life"
(Thu 02/12)
TURN IT DOWN.
(Thu 11/11)
Do we need another Beatles book.
(Mon 11/10)
President or Pope, who is most welcome?
(Mon 16/08)
